Most of us can probably name a person or two who can walk into a room and instantly become the center of attention. Some people seem to have a sort of natural charisma making them successful in social situations.
On the other hand, plenty of people out there lack any sort of natural charisma. They can be the smartest person in the world, but put them in a party and ask them to make friends and they become clueless. While it is possible to go through life without any charisma, not being able to carry on a conversation and not being able to make friends easily can make your life significantly harder. Thankfully, there are ways to make yourself more charismatic and more charming.
Here are 9 proven tips that will help make you more charismatic:
1. Learn proper posture
One simple way to make yourself more charismatic to those around you is to have proper posture. You should sit up straight and make yourself as tall as possible. Do not lean on your elbows or do anything like that. Sit up straight with your hands either at your sides or in front of you.
Believe it or not, having correct posture actually makes you feel more confident, which then makes you feel more willing to engage in conversation. When you are more willing to engage in conversation, you will appear more charismatic and more charming to those around you.
2. Do not underestimate the power of physical contact
Part of being charismatic is knowing when physical contact is needed. Uncharismatic people tend to shun physical contact and often do not know when to do it appropriately.
So, if you want to be more charismatic, then you should master when physical contact is appropriate and when it is not. For example, if a friend is crying or very upset, a hand on the shoulder or a hug (depending on how close of a friend they are) is appropriate.
Sometimes physical contact is even more appropriate than mere words.
3. Learn to recognize nonverbal cues
Very often people will not state how they are feeling. People will tell you they are feeling fine, even when deep down they are not. However, just because they do not say how they feel does not mean they do not give any clues.
You can often tell how a person is feeling about something based on facial expressions or body language. This should tell you what sort of mood they are in and how you should interact with them. We often associate charisma with things like telling good stories or making people laugh, yet a big part of charisma is simply knowing what sorts of things to say (or not to say) to people. Part of the way you figure out what to say to people is by reading their body language.
“I speak two languages, Body and English.” – Mae West
4. Know when to use humor
A big part of being charismatic is knowing how to use humor. Know when to make jokes and what sort of jokes to make. Too often, people constantly throw out jokes on the false assumption that it makes them likable. However, the timing of a joke is just as important as its contents. Making jokes at the wrong time makes you come off as uncharismatic. So, read the mood of others around you before throwing out a joke.
5. Learn to ask questions
We usually do not consider asking questions to be “charismatic,” but asking questions, and specifically the right kind of questions, is a great way to keep a conversation going.
People love to talk about themselves and they love to talk about what they are interested in. Charismatic people know this, which is why a charismatic person will spend as little time talking about themselves as possible.
Plus, by asking questions, you can find common areas of interest, which will allow you to expand your conversation topics.
6. Know how to listen effectively
This point goes hand-in-hand with the last one. Not only should you learn how to ask questions, but you should also learn to how to listen.
We all know that cliché about how women like men who are good listeners, well it is true and it applies to everyone, not just women. Sometimes, people simply want to talk to someone who will actually listen to their problems.
Knowing how to be a good listener will make people like you more since good listeners are so rare.
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”- Ernest Hemingway
7. Memorize as many names as you can
This is a really small, but effective tip for coming across as more charismatic. Remembering a person’s name is a great way of signaling to them that they are important, which makes them feel better. Again, this is a very small tip, but you will be surprised at how much more charismatic you come across if you consistently remember people’s names.
8. Learn to talk with your hands
Believe it or not, using hand gestures while talking does make you come across as more charismatic. Now, we don’t mean that you should be swinging your hands around, but some light hand gestures while telling a story can help make people more engrossed in what you are saying. So, next time you want to really get people interested in what you are saying, try putting down whatever is in your hands and add in some gestures.
9. Cut out filler from your vocabulary
We all occasionally throw in an “umm” or an “uuuh” when talking (especially if we are telling a long story), but you should try cut down on the number of times that you use filler words like the ones we just mentioned. A hallmark of charisma is being able to talk for a long time without using a lot of filler. The best way to go about this is to simply keep track of how often you use filler words and slowly work on improving your speaking skills.