posted from https://wealthygorilla.com/ja-rule-net-worth/
Introduction Ja Rule, born Jeffrey Edward Atkins, is an American rapper, songwriter, record producer, record executive, and actor from Queens, New York. He’s been in the news recently for re-igniting his beef with 50 Cent. In January 2018, Ja Rule’s net worth is estimated to be $8 million. Early Life Ja Rule was born […] More
“There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind—you are the one who hears it.” ~Michael Singer
My husband and I recently moved into a new home. Shortly after we moved in, I left a wooden cutting board in the sink, where it was submerged in water.
My husband told me, in a tentative voice, that he didn’t want to upset me, but I really shouldn’t leave the cutting board in the water like that, because it would get warped and destroyed.
In case you couldn’t tell, my husband was actually nervous to tell me he wanted me to do something differently.
Sure, in this case I didn’t take any offense to his comment—why should I, really? But the disappointing truth is that I often react by becoming sullen and moody and sometimes even defensive and argumentative.
Luckily, shortly before this conversation I’d been listening to a podcast the subject of letting go, about how our minds are not our souls; they’re our psyches.
In other words, I was in a pretty peaceful place, easily able to see how any thoughts about how he was wrong or he shouldn’t have said that to me or that I was a horrible person for leaving a cutting board in the sink were very, very easy to let go of.
It felt great. I didn’t get upset, I didn’t say anything mean; I just said no problem and moved on. Not just on the outside, but on the inside, too.
It’s still not always that way for me, though.
In fact, a very recent interaction with my husband was a different story entirely. I’d gone to the store for a few last minute things before Thanksgiving, and when I came home my husband could see that I had purchased a tube of toothpaste—the wrong kind.
As soon as I walked through the door he said, “Crest? Why did you get Crest? We always get Colgate!” And, at least from my perspective, he didn’t say it in all that friendly of a tone.
I immediately got defensive and took on his tone and told him he didn’t have to use it if he didn’t want to, then I went into the kitchen and went back and forth between seething and hating myself.
Luckily, somewhere in that process, I was able to, just for a moment, name what was going on inside my body and mind instead of being completely sucked into it.
I said to myself, as though I was describing symptoms to a doctor, what was going on. “I feel all jumbled up in my chest, and my stomach feels nervous. I notice that I am feeling really bad about something small, and I’m really, really blowing it out of proportion.”
To be upset about something so insignificant is probably indicative of a larger problem, of course; in this case, the fact that I was stressed about holiday prep and my upcoming birthday and, well the list could have gone on, I’m sure.
Still, this is an absolutely perfect example of how the smallest things can unhinge us, even when we’re walking a spiritual path or doing our best to improve ourselves and our lives.
I know I’m not alone. I see it in my husband, I see it in co-workers and friends.
We’re so busy trying to be right, trying to keep our egos and sense of self safe, that we don’t let things go. We let thoughts take over our hearts and minds, and often ruin relationships in the process.
I feel so frustrated at myself when I look back at all the times I’ve not been able to let things go and have reacted negatively, but that doesn’t help me move forward, either.
How can I consistently be calm? How can I consistently let go of the things, both big and small, that cause so much internal turmoil?
Always, always return to the stillness inside me, for one. I know it’s there, I’ve felt it. I’m just better at accessing it sometimes more than others.
That stillness is the place from which I believe our true selves speak, and that true self is not concerned with small things, or worried about keeping our egos afloat.
I know taking three deep breaths helps me do it. I know simply telling myself that “these thoughts are not me” helps me do it.
Besides accessing the stillness, naming what I’m feeling, as I mentioned earlier, really helps. It puts a distance between me and the thoughts pulsing through my head, again helping me to remember that I am not my thoughts.
Acknowledging that I’m spiraling or feeling sorry for myself helps, too. I think it’s something about knocking back that part of me that always has to be right and telling it I see it and I want it to go away.
Another way to let go is to ask myself if this will matter in an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year. Usually it won’t matter, and that, too, allows me to give myself some space to move on.
I know there are certain things in life that do need to be dealt with, that are bigger than a tussle over toothpaste. I still think those are best dealt with by first letting go of that negative, insistent voice, though.
I think back to when I was in my early twenties and a job I was supposed to have was given to a guy who’d recently returned to the inn where I worked, even though he’d abruptly disappeared for another job and left the inn owner in a bind.
I was so mad, so angry, that I stormed out, packed all of my stuff (I lived on premises), went back to the office, quit, and then drove away.
I’m not saying quitting wasn’t the right option for me, because it probably was. The owner of the inn was new to the game and extraordinarily disorganized, and I probably would have been miserable for the whole winter.
Still, there was a better, calmer way to handle things that would have left me feeling more balanced and sure about myself and my decisions.
If I could go back fifteen years, I think I’d tell myself to take a few deep breaths. To be still. I wasn’t meditating yet, or even aware that I was in charge of my thoughts, but I would tell that younger woman to find her center and go from there.
I’m genuinely tired of letting my mind run my life. I want to let go, to let decisions come from the deepest part of myself. I think by remembering to find the stillness and let the negative thoughts pass by, and to find any way possible to separate myself from them whenever possible, my life will be much closer to peaceful.
About Jen Picicci
Jen Picicci is an artist who believes in better living through pretty colors and kind words. She creates uplifting tree and word art, and when she doesn’t have a paintbrush in her hand, she can be found wrangling a preschooler, petting a cat, or hugging a tree. To learn more about her and get a 20% off coupon, visit www.jenpicicci.com.
The post How to Let Go When You’re Dwelling on Negative Thoughts appeared first on Tiny Buddha.
Welcome to Part 2 of my awesome series and we’ll be discussing some more common mistakes made by Expert Authors when trying to build their brand and credibility. I see many authors making these mistakes, which costs them enormously going forward. You have to remember, as a bloggers, it’s very important to build your reputation and if you fail to do so, you’ll lose loyalty quickly. The Internet is a huge resource of information and visitors have other options if you fail to do things right the first time. I’m actually being unfair by stating you can’t make mistakes, however, it’s true that there is very little room for error.
In Part 1 of the series, we looked at things like irrelevant content, self-doubt, and NOT tracking results. Now let’s look at “3” more common errors made by “expert authors”. Let’s jump right in…
When writing content, it’s important you keep your audience engaged by providing them the information they’re looking for. I can’t count the number of times I’ve left a blog because I didn’t find the content and/or presentation engaging enough so it’s important you pay close attention to both. Here’s the problem,
You have to make sure your writing for every type of audience or you’ll have 50% engaging and the other NOT fully able to comprehend your content. Your audience might be from places where English is NOT their first language so take advantage of the tools available. For example, adding videos, infographics, and images is a great way to keep all your audience engaged. However, stick to your main topic idea and don’t go off track unless it’s necessary, which you’ll learn later on. Here are some tips…
- Use images
- Use Videos
- Create infographics
- Focus on structure
- Ask them questions for feedback
- Reply to feedback
Quick to Publish
Another common mistake made by expert authors is they are in a rush to publish. After the Google freshness update was introduced, many bloggers are under the impression more content means faster indexing and higher traffic. However, there is NO substitute for quality because in the end, that’s the bottom line for searchers. Google knows how important it is for quality content to be published so will always give preference to quality over quantity.
Expert Authors know when to publish content and know when it’s ready for viewing. They know the consequences of publishing content too quickly and it’s an easy way to lose readership, credibility, etc. Whenever you’re writing content, you want to ensure it’s completed before publishing and it doesn’t matter if it takes you a full month. I created an ultimate guide focusing on guest blogging. The guide is a combined 10,000+ words and required 2 months to complete. However, what’s awesome is the response afterwards. For example, it ranked on the 1st page for “3” main keywords within a month and continues to be the best guide online. How do I know?
Major players in my blogging niche continue to share and reference my guide with their audience.
Not Going Broader
Some niches are very tricky and over time, they start to broaden their reach online. For example, with link building and SEO, you always have new methods popping up everywhere, which is why it’s important to stay ahead of the trends. If you’re an expert blogger in SEO, then it’s important to keep researching and expanding your range so you can provide your readers the latest information. People are already in the notion that experts know the industry well so automatically expect to receive the latest news when available. However, if you fail to provide it to them, your audience will be very quick to jump over to another blog. Here are some things to keep in mind…
Always research your niche, especially when you know it’s rapidly changing, so you can provide your readers the latest information. If you’re NOT the one to provide the trends first, then it’s very easy for someone to leave and start following another blog. Ask yourself this question: Would you rather read a blog providing old methods or newer methods? This answer alone tells you the importance of broadening your reach. Always make sure when you broaden your reach, you stick within your niche. Sometimes, it’s very easy to fall off track, especially when many niches interconnect with each other. If you’re blogging about organic SEO, then stick to methods relevant to organic link building and don’t jump into paid, etc.
You're reading Why Enabling Someone Is Never A Loving Act, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
When You Only Want To HelpAddiction is hard on everyone. If you watch your loved one continually abuse their body, you fear what they’re doing to their health. Abusing drugs and alcohol creates a potential for legal consequences and may interfere with your loved one’s ability to make a living. They make choices that cause unhealthy relationships and drain your bank account. When you see them make mistakes, your instinct is to protect your family from embarrassment and your loved one from pain. You want to help, but you end up making it comfortable for them to continue abusing their substance of choice.
Blurred LinesEnabling often starts with the best intentions. As habits and behavior patterns become ingrained, it can be hard to separate what actions are helping from the ones that shield loved ones from the consequences of their mistakes. Enabling means doing something for another that they should do for themselves or stepping in to handle penalties meant for them. For a parent, if their child is arrested for drugs or alcohol, they feel a protective desire to safeguard their future. For a spouse, when their loved one causes arguments or makes a mess, it feels compassionate to protect relationships by covering up what happened. Examples of enabling behavior include keeping secrets to protect reputations, paying money for overdue rent or bail, or blaming circumstances when the individual gets drunk or high. Loved ones also enable when they threaten to enforce negative consequences for the bad behavior, but don’t follow through. Enablers don’t start out trying to make it easy on their loved one. Oftentimes, in the beginning, they don’t realize the depth of the problem, and they only intend to offer temporary help. It comes from a place of good intentions, but spirals out of control. Over time, they become the person who the individual relies on to function in spite of their addiction. It actually will encourage and reinforce bad behavior, allowing it to thrive.
Enabling Isn’t LovingEnabling is the opposite of loving, because it provides what’s comfortable, not what’s needed. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration reported that in North America there are 23.5 million people ages 12 and older who need treatment for alcohol or drugs. At the time of the survey, only 11 percent (~2.6 million people) were receiving treatment at a specialized facility. As individuals destroy their lives because of their addiction, their loved ones wonder why they don’t seek help. When they ruin so many family gatherings that they’re no longer invited, when they lose that job that was the opportunity of a lifetime, when they create one legal and financial disaster after another, it’s hard to understand why they don’t come to hate the substance that causes it. Often, it’s because enabling encourages toxic behavior. Enabling keeps individuals from facing the pain they cause so they can continue to delay treatment. It doesn’t just encourage more substance abuse for the individual, but it also hurts everyone in a relationship with them. Siblings feel neglected when parents spend their time enabling a brother or sister. Children receive less nurturing from their parents and keeping secrets chokes outside relationships.
Understanding CodependencyCodependent relationships develop when one person has an unhealthy reliance on another to fulfill their needs. It can be especially complex in the parent-child relationship. Codependency usually involves avoidance, enabling, enmeshment or controlling behaviors. Avoidance occurs when family members don’t want to face the problem. They tell themselves their child is just going through a phase or that dropping academic achievement will get better soon. Enabling behaviors happen when parents realize their child has a problem, but they worry how it will affect their future, so they try to protect their child from consequences. They hide bad behavior and offer any necessary legal representation. When parents draw their own self-worth or identity from their children, they often exhibit enmeshment codependency. They hide their own disappointment and sadness to keep their child from feeling pain. Other parents respond by being controlling. They seek to regulate all their child’s activities to keep them from obtaining drugs or alcohol. The child never becomes responsible for their own self-control and often does not receive treatment.
How To Tell The DifferenceMost people are raised to help those in need. It helps to find the line between helping and enabling by looking for telltale behaviors. If you regularly make excuses for bad behavior, you protect your loved one from conflict. It’s better to allow them to communicate on their own. You may notice you often step in to do things they are responsible for, like picking up kids or gathering materials for school assignments. If you tell lies to your child’s teachers about why they didn’t complete their project or show up for rehearsal, you cover up their behavior and help them continue to make bad decisions. Enabling can look different depending on your relationship and family dynamics. Try checking your behaviors against a codependency checklist for an objective evaluation. Family First Intervention understands how difficult it is to wait for loved ones to seek help. We have accredited interventionists who help individuals seek treatment and find hope. We support family members throughout the process, with experts in every state.
You've read Why Enabling Someone Is Never A Loving Act, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
You're reading 11 Tips Presentation Anxiety Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
It’s not just you. Presentation anxiety is a common feeling that comes from fear of public speaking, one of Americans' most common fears. It’s important to understand how to reduce and control these feelings before a presentation so your hard work doesn’t fall flat. Whether for work or school, you want to deliver a great presentation. The eleven effective tips below are designed to put you in control and help you deliver with confidence before your next presentation.
Map It Out In AdvanceMapping out each step of your presentation is a great way to kill uncertainty. Breaking down big jobs into small tasks is so helpful that Penn State crafted an online tutorial to walk you through the planning process from start to finish. The tutorial recommends focusing on your body content before crafting your introduction and closing statements.
Nail Your IntroductionAfter you know what you are going to talk about, public speaking coach Ellen Finkelstein recommends hitting three main points in your introduction to grab your audience's attention:
- Who are you?
- What are you talking about?
- Why is the topic important?
Practice Your DeliveryBill Rosenthal, chief executive of communication training provider Communispond, says locking down your presentation will make you a more confident presenter than an inauthentic one. Ever heard of a dancer looking robotic because they practiced their steps too much? A sure fire way to crush some fear is to show yourself how capable you are by practicing your presentation a handful of times before the day comes. If you can, get in front of some friends you trust to get their feedback or record yourself on your phone to look for things to improve.
Establish Your MindsetUnderstand that it's a lot easier to focus on negative things and overlook positive ones. For example, it’s easier to think you will give a bad presentation and not about the value the audience is will get only causes further anxiety. Communication coach Cher Gunderson explains that supporting yourself with positive reinforcement is one of the best mindset shifts you can take on. She writes, “shift hyper-critical, non-supportive, judgmental thoughts to supportive, balanced thoughts.”
Review The SituationWouldn’t it be nice if you had your own personal therapist during moments of distress? Well, now you do. Youper is an anxiety assistant you can use to analyze your thoughts to anchor them in reality and facts, not false expectations. In just a few minutes, you complete a mini therapy session and gain a healthy perspective on your trigger situation. Users report that the tool is just like interacting with a therapist.
Show Up A Little EarlyIt’s important to get comfortable with the location and the audience where you’ll present. Walk around, pay attention to the layout of the room, and look for things that could potentially distract you. This will help you feel more comfortable because you’ll snuff out the initial tension of being in a new place. Meeting a few people in the room establishes allies in the audience for you so you don’t feel like you are presenting to strangers.
Keep Water On HandEver notice that presenters usually have a cup or bottle of water on hand when giving a presentation? Keeping yourself hydrated during a presentation is important because dehydration can trigger anxiety symptoms. That’s the last thing you want before you deliver a presentation.
Breathing ExercisesWhen you get anxious your breathing gets faster. Breathing calms anxiety by guiding you back to a slower rhythm, calming you down in the process. Research indicates that breathing exercises are an effective way to lower anxiety levels. For those that find it difficult to focus on their breathing, a guided exercise with audio or a visual to follow will help you focus on your breath through an entire cycle.
Visualize A Successful PresentationImagine yourself finishing the presentation and hearing the sound of applause. Visualize members of the audience thanking you, or colleagues congratulating you. These positive images help manifest a positive attitude, which will come out during your presentation. Visualization isn’t just for improving your attitude. Studies have shown that visualizing an activity can have the same effect as real-life practice. Moreover, if you visualize and practice in real life, you are even more likely to do well.
Remind Yourself Fear Is NormalFear is normal and helps us avoid danger. That’s great! However, is it dangerous to give a speech? As mentioned above, fear of public speaking is high on the list of most common fears. Being judged is not something humans are comfortable with, and giving a presentation puts you in a position where you can be judged. Remember that everyone feels anxious before they present, and you feel this way because the presentation is important to you.
How To Calm Down Before A PresentationUse as many or as few of these tips as you’d like, but I don’t suggest trying to do all of them. That might be harder than giving the presentation! The important thing is to do what you feel you can without adding to the pressure of the presentation. If you have questions about what you feel before a presentation or other social situation, learn more about social anxiety symptoms.
You've read 11 Tips Presentation Anxiety Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.